me and my best friend on new years eve about to go to a party! beginning of a really interesting night..

back..and what's happening to me?

wooow, i haven't written in forever. i forgot about this blog since i discovered tumblr but i think i'm back to post more personal things, things i can't really say on tumblr because i have a couple people i know following me. nobody really knows about this one.

i don't know what's been happening to me lately. so many things have been changing all at once, all i want to do is hide until everything is over. i've been losing a lot of hair, like PILES of hair over the course of the past three months and i didn't know what to do. i switched shampoos, stopped using all heating elements and products in my hair, i even started trying eating healthier and sleeping more.

but then i started to get really weak, i'm not able to stay away for more than 10 hours now and my periods are intensely heavy.. oh and i faint a lot. is that not weird?

i'm going to the doctors today so see what's happening to me. actually i'm going in about 30 minutes so i'll come back with a post of the results.

hypothesis: IRON DEFICIENCY or (anemia)... let's see if i'm right.

you're the smell before rain, you're the blood in my veins.

I think I should have kept the "claustrophobic" title for this one. Cause I'm feeling more behind bars then ever before. I'm losing patience. Anonymous words served by anonymous people, meaning absolutely nothing is starting to mean everything now. I wonder where you've been and if you're alright. I don't need you, I don't need to see you or hear you or feel you anymore, all I need is the knowledge that you're okay and you're happy.

Please be happy. Because I remember your smile being the only thing that kept my life in check.. the only thing that kept me alive. I still remember the day you told me you "don't care anymore." I remember crying on the bathroom floor, feeling empty because what was I worth anymore. You had MY heart, MY soul.. so what was I without you? Nothing. There was absolutely nothing inside of me anymore. I'm tired of wanting to tell you how I feel or hoping maybe you'll see this and read it and maybe for once, understand it. But you don't want to hear it, you never did.

All I can say with all honesty is that I'm sorry for everything I put you through, everything I did to you. You're perfect and I decided to be the asshole to ruin that. Nothing can be changed but I wouldn't have felt the same if I didn't apologize.

And when I say 'everything is my fault', this time is for real.

I hope one day, maybe God will be nice to me & we'll bump into eachother at the corner we used to meet and we'll talk. I don't care if we're yelling or crying or not saying really anything at all.. I just want to see you.. again.

I hate feeling this way,

I miss you.

Ps, Took some pictures this morning cause I was feeling creative and I never really use my camera anymore to take pictures of myself, only my cell. So... ya.

And 12 days until MY BIRTHDAY. which is also THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL which is also MY FIRST DAY OF WORK. Won't this be exciting -.-

-ll.

Feeling creative.

new blog.

hi!

i have a new blog, ashleylavictoire.tumblr.com

i just find it easier with tumblr, and you have more choices and stuff, and there's younger people on tumblr. but i'm still going to post more my personal life on this one, and the other is more .. songs, quotes, poems and pictures of random stuff.

went to the ex the other day, and got a picture with this rapist peanut.

you just saw it up there ^

- lilo

Budgies.

Hi :)

SO this is me and my best friend who decided to be a flaming asshole and move to Toronto.

And I feel like she deserved a blog post because I decided to be a flaming asshole too this morning and not wake up in time for her to leave.

Fuck my life, I ended up waking up at 6pm, that's like.. sixteen hours by the way, to see the spot where her suitcase was, EMPTY.

And I enjoy picking my nose in public because, if you got em, pick em.

OK BYE