you're the smell before rain, you're the blood in my veins.

I think I should have kept the "claustrophobic" title for this one. Cause I'm feeling more behind bars then ever before. I'm losing patience. Anonymous words served by anonymous people, meaning absolutely nothing is starting to mean everything now. I wonder where you've been and if you're alright. I don't need you, I don't need to see you or hear you or feel you anymore, all I need is the knowledge that you're okay and you're happy.

Please be happy. Because I remember your smile being the only thing that kept my life in check.. the only thing that kept me alive. I still remember the day you told me you "don't care anymore." I remember crying on the bathroom floor, feeling empty because what was I worth anymore. You had MY heart, MY soul.. so what was I without you? Nothing. There was absolutely nothing inside of me anymore. I'm tired of wanting to tell you how I feel or hoping maybe you'll see this and read it and maybe for once, understand it. But you don't want to hear it, you never did.

All I can say with all honesty is that I'm sorry for everything I put you through, everything I did to you. You're perfect and I decided to be the asshole to ruin that. Nothing can be changed but I wouldn't have felt the same if I didn't apologize.

And when I say 'everything is my fault', this time is for real.

I hope one day, maybe God will be nice to me & we'll bump into eachother at the corner we used to meet and we'll talk. I don't care if we're yelling or crying or not saying really anything at all.. I just want to see you.. again.

I hate feeling this way,

I miss you.

Ps, Took some pictures this morning cause I was feeling creative and I never really use my camera anymore to take pictures of myself, only my cell. So... ya.

And 12 days until MY BIRTHDAY. which is also THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL which is also MY FIRST DAY OF WORK. Won't this be exciting -.-

-ll.