claustrophobia

hi.

have you ever been in a place where you were supposed to feel safe, comfortable & free from everything dangerous only to go back one day standing in that place, feeling like a stranger, like all of a sudden things were different?

things ARE different.

it's just been so lonely lately. i haven't been around much, haven't seen anyone, haven't gone out and had fun. i've been stuck in the same dark room for past month, promising myself it'd be better to clear my mind outside. but that wouldn't help, i knew it. i'm not a fan of seeing family members hurt either, so my speakers are always blasting, blocking out sounds of tears & broken hearts.

i hate feeling like i'm the reason everyone's in a bad mood, the reason why everyone is so full of hate or sadness.

but i can't leave, as much as i tried to, i left to places where i felt i wasn't wanted.

the people you thought you knew so well & still do.. they've moved on.. to better people, to NEW people, venturing & forgetting about you.

i hate feeling like you've been forgotten too.

faking smiles & "where have you been's", and the awkward silence that follows because neither of you know what to say anymore.

you see them having fun with other people, laughing with other people, telling you they can't see you because they have plans with those people.

you'd think with one month left, you'd be having the time of your life with those people, haha.. things are NEVER as they seem.

i'm feeling so distant from everyone, i've been going to school, coming home, eating, then sleeping until the next day on repeat.

it seems like life has been the same for a long time, i hadn't noticed just how far i feel from everyone until today.

until i walked into that place & felt like everything was lost, like there was no chance of me getting back, no reason to try.

i guess i kinda like this small, dark room.